Yet again, no response when I reached out to Nicholas. What we once had was powerful and . . . .
Dodging bullets is not an easy thing to realistically achieve. However, I've carefully managed to dodge two of them already this miserable year. First with Mark, now with Ricardo. We both knew we undoubtedly had an up hill battle if we genuinely wanted to be together. We each admittedly had an obstacle, mine being emotional, and his being obligational. All it would merely take was one of us being unable to cope adequately with the other's specific situation, and it would be over. Not surprisingly, he quit and gave up.
After a two day relentless flood of excessive emotions and pent-up feelings, I evanesced into a world of technology and optimization. The familiar sound of a voice which caused the wound on my heart to bleed yesterday, happened to be the same sound today that comforted me. Why did William . . .
Being in love with someone who is no longer in love with you should be easy to move past. However, for myself it's impossible it seems. Lying to myself and stuffing emotions elsewhere didn't work, because subconsciously it all was there under a brilliant script of excellent acting. When I heeded Nicks familiar voice on a personal video for the first time in 5 bleak months, I couldn't contain it any longer. A distinctive sound not forgotten, rather blocked out to shelter myself from the unbearable pain of my bleeding heart.
Every so often it's the insignificant things that sincerely mean the most. It was around lunch time when my mobile phone rang, and on the other end Wolfie was calling. Absolutely surprised, I picked up the phone naturally assuming he was taking his lunch break. Recently, I've had the feeling that he and I were drifting apart, with an enormous mountain looming in front of us. This afternoon those foolish feelings would change. This small gesture instantly made those feeling go away.
Xatina, this time you will lay in the bed that you made. If this story is even true, remember the next time you're laying at the bottom of the stairs with broken limbs
Good evening, it’s presently 9:35 p.m. on Monday the 6th of April. This journal entry is since Saturday the 4th, Sunday the 5th, and today Monday the 6th of April. It has been undoubtedly a whirlwind the past three days. Saturday and Sunday I felt completely lost, last night I dealt with many family dramas, and today has been chaos. I’m thinking people are starting to lose their flipping minds.