Powerful

Yet again, no response when I reached out to Nicholas. What we once had was powerful and . . . .

Peek~A~Boo

Besides Wolfie and my ex, I can’t seem to get JP out of my mind. He too plays peek a boo in my thoughts daily. I’m thinking there was something between him and I that I squandered away. Not that I regret my decision, but I often question if he would have been in the United States would I have thrown what we had away?

Empty Words

So confident, but you’ll be surprised it took awhile, but I can finally recognize. I’m so much better off with someone else. . .

Game Over

Both of these were forcing me to feel like a different person than I’ve been the past few weeks. Wolfie and I have been so happy and content with one another, why did my ex have to come in and mess that up for me? Last night when he sent me the photos I tried to act like they didn’t mean anything. Telling myself they were in fact a part of my past, but no longer represented my future.

Orphaned Again, Why Me?

The distinct feeling of being orphaned is back, and it sucks. Once more, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere or maintain a purpose. The past 4 months and 13 days have been an absolute nightmare. Wondering through life lonesome and sad, with no one to belong to.

Why Can’t I Let You Go?

I’m terrified that if or when I let them go the nightmare I’m currently living will get worse. Even thinking about letting them go in fact makes me want to check myself into a hospital for observation. With my history I know I’m capable of doing something stupid. On top of all that, if I change my last name to get rid of the Mazoins name, and abandon all our hopes, dreams and goals in the past. My burning question is who would I be?

Friend Zoned

Yesterday I was forcibly placed into the Friend Zone and told I should be content with staying just his friend. Therefore, this morning I didn’t expect to get a text or anything. That’s not how “friends” operate, correct? I did however think he would say hello at some point today. Maybe share with me his new drivers license that he got today? I thought he would be excited about finally being a New Jersey resident again.