Category dead man walking

any and all journal entries that contain the remains of the dead man child nicholas, nick anthony mazonis.

Dreams Of Being Trapped

The ending of the dream is what hurts the most and has for many reasons. For as long as I can remember recognizing myself in a mirror, I have always looked at the reflection and asked myself, "who is this boy, guy, man, that I'm looking at"? The four years that I was with Nicholas I didn't do this. I felt validated for who I am. I thought he understood who I am. Now that he's gone I find myself looking in the mirror asking myself this again. It saddens me to hate the body god gave me. I've asked god a million times, why? It's even worse being enclosed in someone else's skin. No one will ever understand that feeling unless their transgender themselves.

Friend Zoned

post image for friend zoned in my favorites blast of the past
Yesterday I was forcibly placed into the Friend Zone and told I should be content with staying just his friend. Therefore, this morning I didn't expect to get a text or anything. That's not how "friends" operate, correct? I did however think he would say hello at some point today. Maybe share with me his new drivers license that he got today? I thought he would be excited about finally being a New Jersey resident again.

Stipulations Of Love

On to the second thing he is requesting has to happen. We have to have our own cars. A little back story on this matter. When we got together and decided to purchase a new car because the one he had was dying slowly, we traded it in as the down payment for the vehicle we had at the time of our break up. The car was $10,000, and they gave him $2,000 for his car as a trade in. That left us owing $8,000 WHICH I PAID EVERY DOLLAR OF with my money that I didn't bring in according to his family.