It’s funny how things happen, because if my friend had never messaged me, I would have been in the house all day talking to myself. My sister-in-law went to Arkansas when she got off work this morning, so she was gone. My sister and I aren’t talking so there wasn’t a chance she was going to pop by. It would have been a long lonely day, but instead my buddy was here with me, and we talked about EVERYTHING imaginable.
I have to keep it short and to the point with him if I’m going to get better myself. It’s really hard being this way, but I’m on a mission to move on, and get over him so this is the new way I’m going to handle any future contact I have with him. If there’s something I can do to help, I will, if not, I’m going to go about my day. On a side note though I will say Karma is a stinker.
The ending of the dream is what hurts the most and has for many reasons. For as long as I can remember recognizing myself in a mirror, I have always looked at the reflection and asked myself, "who is this boy, guy, man, that I'm looking at"? The four years that I was with Nicholas I didn't do this. I felt validated for who I am. I thought he understood who I am. Now that he's gone I find myself looking in the mirror asking myself this again. It saddens me to hate the body god gave me. I've asked god a million times, why? It's even worse being enclosed in someone else's skin. No one will ever understand that feeling unless their transgender themselves.