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I slept most of the day today other than the few times I woke up to get something to drink and open my mouth and say things that I should have thought about before speaking. I tend to do this a lot lately and I’m going to start working on it. I have to, because the things I say sometimes have consequences and hurt other people’s feelings that I care about.
One of the things I said was about my brother. He is a mess just like most people, but I shouldn’t have said what I said about him and his current situation. I’ve apologized to my sister-in-law for upsetting her, and explained to her what I really meant after thinking over the words I used. I have to learn to control my tongue, it can be sharper than sometimes I think.
I know I said that I wasn’t going to reach out to my ex, and I meant it. It’s going to take a lot of work and dedication on my part. With that said, I did make contact today to let him know that I too was dealing with the same issue that he was dealing with. There’s nothing I can do about it when it comes to him, but I was just letting him know that I too was going through it, and told him my plans to eradicate the problem. In the process, I said something about his mother that I shouldn’t have, so I also apologized to him. No matter how I feel about this woman, she is his mother, and I have to respect that.
Oh, I almost forgot. Today was Tuesday, and on Tuesdays my case manager comes over to check up on me. I’ve missed our meeting for the past two weeks, because I’ve been sleeping when she comes over at one p.m. Today however she and I decided that even though I was in bed, we would still have our meeting. I know why I’m sleeping so much, it’s depression, and in time things will be better. After she left I went right back to bed and slept till around eight thirty p.m. I was up long enough to write a journal entry, and back off to bed I went. This madness has to come to an end, I’m tired of it, and I’m ready to take hold of my life and move on.
Nadia Darlene Mazonis