If I look at another clock one more time today I’m going to loose my marbles.
It shouldn’t be bothering me as much as it is but it’s getting under my skin that Nicholas hasn’t even said hello today. I didn’t expect anything first thing this morning because that is not how “friends” operate, and I was made to understand very clearly yesterday that we were only friends. I did on the other hand think that he would say hello at some point and maybe show me his new drivers license that he got today, I thought he would be excited about finally being a New Jersey resident again, and want to show his new picture off. All I can do at this point is keep taking my steps backwards, and get myself into the mindset I was in before he, well I’ll say it messed with my head. I tweeted something that insinuated that he probably was just going to play head games with me and now I see that’s exactly what he’s doing. I feel like he is doing this on purpose, and I can’t say a thing about it. He will never admit it, but then again who would. Coming from the one that it’s affecting it absolutely feels like a mind game.
I wish he had never came crying to me hungover talking about how he tried killing himself with alcohol and saying that he missed his “Squish” and that he’s been thinking about me a lot. When he said those things my mind went spinning because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. As soon as the hangover was gone it was Mr. hateful that I got. If he messages me tonight right before he goes to bed, I promise that I’m not going to respond. I put that on my dead mother’s grave. He won’t get a single syllable out of me. I deserve better, and he’s treating me like I’m a nobody. I believe I deserve to be treated like any of his other friends. I’m even going to take it one step further, I’m worthy of good friends in my life, so I’ll do what I need to, so I’m not ever feeling this way again.
Okay now that I got that out of the way, I can talk about the fun exciting things I did today. I got my online journal all caught up minus this post and I’m really happy with the way it turned out. After I finished the website, I went over to face book and created my personal page there, that way I can start uploading my journal entries on that platform as well. My sister thinks I’m nuts for putting all my business out there but one day when I’m dead and gone she might find comfort in going back and reading the craziness. Who knows, all I can say is that it gives me an outlet to get stuff off my chest, so I don’t have to hold it all in my little bitty brain.Another positive thing is that I got an email finally telling me that my new weave has been shipped. I will have it by Thursday of next week. I’m super excited because this is the first thing that I’ve bought myself since Nicholas left. I thought for sure I’d never be able to make it on my own but the good lord once again had my back.
Today is Thursday so Candice, Mandy and my brother Jeremiah went over to Paragould Arkansas to visit with my nephews. I’m glad I didn’t go because by the sound of it, they had an interesting car ride there and back. Candice my sister-in-law had to work tonight when they got home, so I’m at the house by myself. Tomorrow is going to be a better day than today and I’m thankful that the good Lord blessed me with today.
