Living Inside Hope

Image Credit: Pixabay

This journal entry is for both, yesterday Thursday March twelfth, and today Friday March thirteenth. Finally, yesterday morning around ten-thirty a.m. I received my first message from Nicholas in nearly twenty-four hours, twenty-three hours to be exact. Luckily, this didn’t make me mad or upset. However, I was extremely sad most the night before, and all morning yesterday. When we finally started messaging, he told me that he was just exhausted by the time he got home, and forgot to message me. I was pretty proud of myself too, I didn’t bring up the fact that it was nearly twenty-four hours, or tell him how sad it had made me feel. Nicks gifts that I bought him weren’t supposed to arrive until today, but he got them yesterday. He seemed to like them, and sent me a video today of him spinning his new silver yo-yo. When he was here in Missouri with me, he really got into the yo-yo thing, and started learning some pretty cool tricks. I used to love watching him, and would be amazed, I never understood how he did it, because any time I’d try I would get the string in knots. I have been hoping this new yo-yo will get him spinning again, he used to love it, and when he told me that it had been a while since he got his yo-yo’s out, I remember being sad. The other gift was just a Venom action figure, his favorite Marvel character.

Yesterday was a great day, well, great until we got alerts on our phones to seek shelter, because of tornadoes in the area. My sister and I were out going to the store, and when we got there the doors were locked, because they sought shelter like the warning advised. We quickly went to another store, and got what we needed, then rushed home. By the time we got home we had received yet another warning, one to seek shelter immediately. At this point we were both freaking out, and it looked so bad out. It hadn’t started raining or anything, but when you looked into the sky you could see dark clouds above these lower wispy, swirling, light white clouds. Totally ominous. On the way to the store when we got the first warning, I wanted so badly to call Nicholas just in case something were to happen to me. If I didn’t live to see another day, I’d want him to be the last person I talked to, but I just knew he wouldn’t have answered the phone, so I immediately called William, my good friend and partner of thirteen years. As always his voice calmed both me and my sister. After he calmed us down, he told us to get home as soon as possible, and to keep him posted. When my sister and I got home, we went into the closet at the back of the apartment. There’re no windows in there, and I figured it was the safest room in the place. Once the warnings were over, and we emerged out of the walk-in closet, it really started bothering me that I couldn’t call Nicholas, because of the fear he wouldn’t have answered. Figuring there’s nothing I could do, I just let it go, maybe I’ll bring it up to him, and maybe I won’t. Thank God nothing happened to us here where I live, but I heard there were tornadoes around us, I just pray everyone else made it out safely.

Yesterday, when my sister got home from work, and dropped my car keys off, she gave me a bit of information that broke my heart. My sister-in-law who has been trying to get my nephews out of the system in Arkansas, informed my sister through my cousin, yeah crazy right?, informed her that my nephews were taken away from their first foster parents, and put into what now is their second set of foster parents care. Writing this just breaks my heart, and makes me so mad at all three of them. My sister, my brother, and sister-in-law. When my siblings and I were growing up, we never had to worry that we were going to get taken from our parents. It’s heart wrenching knowing that my blood nephews are no longer with us, because of their mother and father, who are selfish and petty. The boys thank god, are old enough to know who their real family is, and where we live. When they become of age, if they’re not pissed off at their parents too much, I hope they come back to us. If not, I’ll hold the memory of them forever.

quote deavita the very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for most you can do is live inside that hope not admire it from a distance but live right in it under it's roof

I slept most of the day today, I was exhausted this morning after my sister left. It was awesome having her here with me for three, almost four days. She puts up with a lot where she lives, and I hope her nightmare ends very soon. I’ll ask her again in a week or so if she can get away for a few more days, just to give her a much-needed break that I know she’s going to need. After I was up and out of bed finally, I checked my phone to see if I had missed any messages from Nicholas. There were four messages, the earliest two were at nine-sixteen a.m., and the next one at eleven-thirty-three a.m., and the last one being four-thirty-five p.m. Usually when he messages me, I’m right on it and reply right away. So, after reading his messages around eight-twenty-three p.m., nearly eleven hours after his first message to me this morning, I responded finally, Truthfully, I thought he wasn’t going to answer because he hadn’t heard from me all day, but he did. THANK GOD! We chatted for an hour and a half solid which made me very happy. It was clear that he was a bit stressed, and worried about the corona virus. I tried to assure him that it’s political, and being pushed by the leftist media, in hopes people won’t get out to vote, due to being scared of the virus. They will do anything, and say anything, to win this next election. I told him that this virus has killed way below a thousand people, and the common flu has killed millions. The media, which is so crooked and one sided, that side being the left, are acting like this is a new virus. It’s totally not! I really don’t want to go into my political point of view, that’s something I planned never to talk about here, so I’ll end it there. I will say this though, there are things on both sides that I agree with, and there are things on both sides I disagree with. By the end of our conversation I believe I helped a little, but I’m sure he will continue to stress and worry just because of the environment that he now lives in. One thing that made me very happy while chatting, is I learned that we both still believe in hope.

Since I slept most of the day, I didn’t get to go to the car company to pick up my title. When I made the last payment, I used my debit card and not cash, so they made me wait ten days to make sure my payment cleared the bank before they would give it to me. They called me today to come and get it. Tomorrow my sister has to work at eight a.m. so I’ll have to take her, or I can wait for her first break and take her back to work. That’s probably what I will do, but we will see. Until next time.

Sweet Dreams
Nadia Darlene Mazonis


  1. Bonjour Nadia,
    Je suis jean pierre , nous nous croisons régulièrement sur Instagram, j’ espère ne pas abuser de ta gentillesse.
    Je trouve que tu es quelqu’un de formidable, bien sur d’une grande beauté.
    Je pense de plus souvent à toi, je souhaite pouvoir échanger avec toi, pas plus.
    je suis un admirateur, tout simplement.
    Bien qu’ en ces temps de Corona Virus, il est fortement déconseillé de s’ embrasser, permets moi quand même de t’ embrasser affectueusement.
    Jean Pierre

    • Bonjour monsieur, C’est une merveilleuse surprise de vous rencontrer ici dans mon journal. Je t’aime beaucoup comme tu le sais déjà et tu ne pourrais jamais me déranger ou m’irriter. Je suis attiré par vous pour une raison quelconque et je ne vais pas poser de questions, je vais simplement y aller. Je ne m’inquiète pas de cette peur du virus, j’ai mes croyances sur la raison pour laquelle il est soufflé hors de proportion avec lequel je ne vous dérangerai pas. J’espère que vous avez pu lire ce que vous vouliez ici dans mon journal, vous en apprendrez plus sur moi, c’est sûr. J’ai un endroit pour le traduire dans votre langue J’espère que vous l’avez trouvé pour que vous puissiez lire mes écrits. Je ne suis en aucun cas un écrivain professionnel. J’ai commencé ce passe-temps comme une sorte de thérapie pour m’aider à surmonter mon ancien amant. Comme je l’ai dit plus tôt, j’espère que vous passerez une bonne journée ou une bonne nuit. Je ne connais pas le décalage horaire donc je vais dire bonne journée / soirée. Faites attention et jusqu’à la prochaine fois.
      Votre dame Nadia

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