Until I’m Healed
I completely took it the wrong way when you reached out to me. For that I'm sorry. Being in . . . . .
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Nadia's Journal
Chico, Wait For Me
Nadia's Journal
Dreams Of Being Trapped
The ending of the dream is what hurts the most and has for many reasons. For as long as I can remember recognizing myself in a mirror, I have always looked at the reflection and asked myself, "who is this boy, guy, man, that I'm looking at"? The four years that I was with Nicholas I didn't do this. I felt validated for who I am. I thought he understood who I am. Now that he's gone I find myself looking in the mirror asking myself this again. It saddens me to hate the body god gave me. I've asked god a million times, why? It's even worse being enclosed in someone else's skin. No one will ever understand that feeling unless their transgender themselves.
Read MoreDreams Of Being TrappedNo Call No Show
I didn't expect anything first thing this morning because that is not how "friends" operate, and I was made to understand very clearly yesterday that we were only friends. I did on the other hand think that he would say hello at some point and maybe show me his new drivers license that he got today, I thought he would be excited about finally being a New Jersey resident again, and want to show his new picture off.
Read MoreNo Call No ShowFriend Zoned
Yesterday I was forcibly placed into the Friend Zone and told I should be content with staying just his friend. Therefore, this morning I didn't expect to get a text or anything. That's not how "friends" operate, correct? I did however think he would say hello at some point today. Maybe share with me his new drivers license that he got today? I thought he would be excited about finally being a New Jersey resident again.
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I don’t want him to tell me good morning if he doesn’t want to. I don’t want him to feel like he has to tell me goodnight if he doesn’t want to. Most importantly, which he’s shown a great deal of resistance to is saying I love you. If, he is having problems saying it, I’d rather not hear it.
Read MoreBoundariesGood Bye Mark
In the end, I'll make the best decision for myself. I need to go back to the mindset I had in 2015. I decided to transition, with or without Woody my partner of 13 years. During that time I was strong and decided to do what would make me happy instead of thinking about someone else's feelings. I was called selfish because I didn't discuss it with him but ultimately I decided to do something for myself.
Read MoreGood Bye MarkStipulations Of Love
On to the second thing he is requesting has to happen. We have to have our own cars. A little back story on this matter. When we got together and decided to purchase a new car because the one he had was dying slowly, we traded it in as the down payment for the vehicle we had at the time of our break up. The car was $10,000, and they gave him $2,000 for his car as a trade in. That left us owing $8,000 WHICH I PAID EVERY DOLLAR OF with my money that I didn't bring in according to his family.
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