Holly molly I was sitting here working on some memes and got a notification that Nicholas was requesting to be friends on Facebook.
Image Credit: Google
Friends on Facebook?
This made my heart pound so fast I could feel it in my neck and temples. Why was Nicholas reaching out to me? It was strange because of the time. It was around 1 a.m. and I instantly thought something was wrong. Or it had to be an accident in a drunken state of mind. Accepting the request right away without hesitation I messaged him, I wanted to make sure he was OK, but I didn’t get any replies until 5:37 a.m.
Another feeling I got was pure FEAR. Afraid that I would get hacked again. After talking to my sister, I thought it would be best to unfriend him and block him so nothing would happen to my electronics. Well, that didn’t last long either, because not even an hour later I unblocked him just in case he needed to get a hold of me. Deciding, however, not to request his friendship because that was just too much for me at this point in time. Hurting and in agony, yet moving on in my heart and in my mind, I didn’t want to get thrown off the track I was on. It took me a long time to get here, and I didn’t want to lose ground. I’m not sure how I would feel watching him go on about his life, without me, and him seeing me do the same. Right now I think it would be too painful for both of us. I will wait till he sends me another request while he’s sober just so he and I both know it’s what we want.
He had been drinking, A LOT to where he thought he would die of alcohol poisoning. Come to find out he has been in as much pain as I have been. We are both complete messes and miserable without one another. What broke me was when he told me he could feel the agony that I’m going through. When he asked me if I could feel the pain he was suffering, I wept. Truth is, I could, and that’s why I’m in so much distress. I know he’s not happy back at his mother’s. She is a controlling, manipulative person who has mentally abused everyone around her for years. Not to mention his step father. His younger years were pure hell because when his mother remarried he became no longer her number one. He’s next to impossible to handle, but I’d rather punched in the eye a million times by him than to see him there where I know he is in complete misery.
We ended up messaging one another all day except while he was working, and then till the time he went to bed. The only way to describe how I feel right now is one heartache because we can’t hold one another and two, a complete feeling of peace and comfort over my entire body. Much needed peace and comfort, I might add. I will not write a lot of today because I’m just experiencing too many emotions and I can’t even think straight, which is why this entry is all over the place. The request happened some time after 1 a.m., and he messaged back at 5:37 a.m. I finally laid down after he went to the gym. I had been up for four or five days; I wasn’t counting. I slept till 4 p.m. Sunday afternoon.
