Photo Credit Midjourney V6
Have you ever reached a breaking point? I have.
Nicholas, enough is enough!
I’ve deleted what I’ve written 4,854 times. Each attempt is polite and restrained, but my frustration only grows because I shouldn’t have to be polite. Especially not to someone who plays with my mind. This is my journal, my sanctuary to let it all out.
To some, what I’m about to say may seem extreme. On most days, I’d probably agree. But in the past, to move on from a relationship, this is where I must go. I resisted going there with Nick because I wanted to handle things differently. Yet, I’ve realized that with Nick, I must go there.
This morning, I woke up seething, my mind a foggy battlefield. If my sister hadn’t come over, I’d have believed I’d died and woken up in an alternate universe. My anger is mostly directed at myself. How can I still let this fool blatantly play mind games with me? Why do I keep allowing it? Is it love? This doesn’t feel like love; I know what love feels like. I’m furious with myself because I’ll say I’m done with his bull, yet find myself in this state of mind again. Enough is enough!
Mentally, Nicholas, I’ve let you drive me to the edge of sanity, and I’m not fighting back anymore. Emotionally, I’ve already allowed you to mold me into someone unrecognizable. My body and heart can’t take it any longer. If I let you maintain this grip on me, I’m allowing you to destroy me from within. This, I won’t allow. You are now dead to me.
I will never text you again. Remember, Nicholas; I’m not supposed to text dead people. I will never email you again. Recall, Nicholas; I’m not supposed to talk to the forgotten dead. I will never call you again, like I foolishly did tonight for the first desperate time in nearly six terrible months. Dead people aren’t supposed to talk, Nicholas. You restricted my main number and forwarded my secondary number. You dismissed all my desperate pleas for even a simple response. In that moment, I realized I was trying to reach out to a dead man. Enough is enough!
By allowing a dead person to affect me, I’ve let you rob me of new hopes and dreams with Ricardo. I know this was your ultimate end game. Even your actions in the video that hurt me so deeply were intentional. You’re a narcissist and a manipulator, just like your… never mind, I won’t go there. This was your last hurrah at my emotional expense.
I’ve accommodated you enough, Nicholas, and endured enough of your head games. You are hereby DEAD to me!
Good riddance, Nicholas.
My new life begins now.
Nadia
