Embrace Your Truth, Embody Your Strength
Embrace Your Truth, Embody Your Strength
I Dodged A Bullet
Dodging bullets is not an easy thing to realistically achieve. However, I've carefully managed to dodge two of them already this miserable year. First with Mark, now with Ricardo. We both knew we undoubtedly had an up hill battle if we genuinely wanted to be together. We each admittedly had an obstacle, mine being emotional, and his being obligational. All it would merely take was one of us being unable to cope adequately with the other's specific situation, and it would be over. Not surprisingly, he quit and gave up.
Have you ever had a relationship that prematurely ended before it began?
Clearly, we all have and if not you’re fortunate. When or if this happens, you’re inevitably going to either feel heart-broken or sincerely feel like you’ve dodged a bullet. This morning around 5:30 a.m. my phone rang and luckily I was on my deaf ear so I was capable to instantly hear the noisy thing ringing. It was Wolfman Wolfie Ricky RICARDO. He was on his way to work and as usual he called. We spoke the entire time and hung up as he was pulling into the slaughterhouse. After we had said our goodbyes, I hung up the phone and fell back to sleep. Around 5 p.m. my sister Lou came over and woke me up. After I had come to, I put my glasses on and got up off the couch and headed for my phone that was on the charger. Knowing what time it was, I needed to message Ricardo/Wolfie to ask him how his day was. Ergo, I clutched up the phone and sat back down to unlock it. Like the dodge ball striking your face in 8th grade P.E. class, I saw a lengthy message. A VERY lengthy message might I add.
You know, before I even deciphered a hateful word of this break-up message, I recognized what this was going to be about. The last time he and I spoke, we were fine, so there was only one possible reason someone would compose a novel. Knowing how to read between the lines, I merely read the first sentence and the last. As I expected, I was declared to kick rocks. After deleting the message, I did desperately try getting a hold of him both on our private messenger and his personal phone yet he didn’t respond. There were some reasonable things I desired to politely ask him. Oh and you better believe there were some specific things that I undoubtedly wanted to justly say. Since he has decided to be a pussy and not listen, I’ll just vent right here. When he’s thinking of me, and he will, he’ll come right here to inspect what’s on my mind. Well Wolfman Wolfie Ricky Ricardo, this correctly is how I sincerely feel.
Some day in the beginning of March, I accepted a friend request from some guy who knew how to communicate really adequately. For a profile picture he provided an image of a wolf, that being so the nickname Wolfie and Wolfman. Curiosity got the best of this cat, so I inquired about seeing a photo after about a week. He was kind enough to sent me a photo of his face. He ended up being a good-looking older gentleman who happened to communicate really well. Things started to not make sense, but I never mentioned anything. He’s attractive, why not use an image of his face for a profile picture? Things moved very quickly and before I knew it we were attached to each other.
If you’ve been subscribing to my personal journal, you’ve read about the enormous mountain that he and I were going to have to conquer to be together? You know the one that I felt like we weren’t getting up remarkably fast? After talking to Ricardo for about 2 weeks, he shared his secret with me. Finding out? And MY dumb self agreed to support him with this because I genuinely admired him and felt SORRY for him. Come to find out he was married!! Yep married! He said they were only together for insurance purposes. His commonplace bird sustained an injury and broke her back and neck. Then got strung out and addicted to pain pills. Ricardo said she was always in pain and since being hooked on opioids she became an unfamiliar person that he no longer knew. Falling out of love, never having sex, not even staying on the same side of the condo with her in six going on 7 years. My moved heart instantly broke for this unfortunate man. He seemed so destitute and depressed. When he told me all this, my heart severely hurt. Already starting to possess feelings for him and hearing this, I told myself that in reality he and I would never work. Being as optimistic as I could, I voiced to him that I’d stick around and voluntarily give him ample time to figure out how to move on with his life. He had to figure out how not to feel obligated to take care of a woman he no longer loved. On that critical day she inevitably became the enormous mountain.
He tried lecturing me about the fact I still loved my ex-Nicholas. Yet I’m supposed to be okay with him having nice dinners and wine with a woman he’s not supposed to love any more. He’s terribly upset because I’m still in love with my ex, yet if he and I are on the phone and she calls? He hangs up on me to rush to her phone call. What the eternal hell? And you’re irritated? Ricardo heretofore knew I harbored persisting feelings for my ex-Nicholas. Out of his own mouth, he told me he wasn’t the kinda person he exactly proved he was. Not sure of the exact words he used, but he advised me to properly deal with those genuine feelings. Adding he’d never cause problems when it came to my ex and me. Affirmative, I heeded Nicholas’s distinctive voice for the first time in 5 long miserable months, and it severely hurt. Hurt really bad. So bad in fact I heard it all the following day to numb myself. I usually tuck and push feelings away instead of adequately dealing with them and suffering the considerable pain they typically cause. I’ve done this my entire life. Not anymore. I will bear those overwhelming feelings and explore them. Allowing them to hurt, so I can allow them to pass. Never permitting them to dwell within me to torture longer than needing. Mister the last time we spoke candidly of all this we agreed we both obtain delicate situations. We mutually agreed that mine was a little bit more difficult since it was an emotional situation, when yours was only obligational. What this allows me to undoubtedly identify, is you’re a control freak. On top of being a terrible liar! Gratefully I thank God and by his grace, when it comes to you? I dodged a bullet.